Square One.

[Tierney Harper]

It had been a long, exhausting first week back. She had spent most of it trying to avoid a certain Rederick boy. Thus far she'd been pretty successful. Thankfully she knew the classes he hated taking and took those in order to lower her chances of running into him. She often skipped meals or had a friend bring her something back, claiming she was just too busy to go down and eat. She hated having to hide, she hated having to avoid him... All summer she had ignored the rest of his letters - she didn't even read them. Lucian cruelly left them for her, knowing she couldn't write him back. She had decided to store them away in a small box she'd gotten as a wedding present from her eldest brother. It was charmed so only she could open it and she loved it dearly.

Her brother was the only one who knew how much she despised the idea of marrying Lucian. Or rather, he was the only one who knew she was trying to break things off with him. Thus, when he found out she was marrying him he had his suspicions. Tierney quieted him, but she felt, given his gift, he still knew she wasn't whole-heartedly going through with things.

Her last few weeks in Romania had been torture. Lucian wasn't around often, but when he was he'd taunt her constantly and remind her of his threats on Landon's life. Thankfully after the first night she had been moved to her own room instead of staying in Lucian's. It was awkward to say the least - the idea of having to share quarters with the ruthless demon. If she had had to certainly she would have killed herself instead. Not that that would have meant anything given she was married to a demon.

Tierney sighed heavily and turned a page in the book she was reading. "What's with the sigh, Tierney?" She looked up to see her group member looking at her curiously. "Oh, nothing. Just can't find any decent information, that's all." The girl chuckled and nodded, going back to her own book. Tierney frowned and fought off the urge to sigh again. She should feel better now that she was back in school. Lucian hadn't returned with her so she should have felt like she could breath. Unfortunately he promised her he would have people "looking out" for her. Meaning, she felt like she was being watched constantly.

Beyond her feelings there were spies everywhere there was also the ring on her finger. It was gigantic, shiny, and everyone wanted to look at it, to touch it, to 'ooh' and 'ahh' over it. Tierney wanted to rip it off her finger and feed it to the giant squid in the lake. It felt like it itched and burned her finger. It was uncomfortable and a constant presence. A reminder she belonged to Lucian. A reminded she had agreed to marry him... to save Landon and everyone else she cared for. If she had thought marrying a demon was a bad idea before, she felt it was worse now that she'd done it, but she'd done it for a very important reason and she couldn't back out now.

They weren't legally bound in the eyes of muggle law, but magically they were. Their legal binding was to take place that winter. It would have happened sooner, but Lucian had "business" to attend to and Tierney had to return to school. Her brother had helped her there too, to convince her parents she needed to return to Hogwarts as it was her last year and she'd been through enough changes for a while. They agreed after much debate. Lucian was indifferent on the subject, though he made sure to remind her that too much time spent with Landon would not go unnoticed or unpunished.

Hence why she was avoiding him like the plague.

It was killing her too. She caught glimpses of him here and there and she wanted so badly to talk to him, to tell him everything... but she couldn't. The worst instance was when she was on her way down to the common room and she heard him talking to someone. Hearing his voice, knowing he was so close... She felt like a total sap, but she really just wanted to hug him and never let go. She missed him something terrible... but it was a feeling she'd need to get used to or over. She couldn't be friends with him and she certainly couldn't be more, though that she had known since before she married Lucian.

Why did everything have to fall apart? Was she cursed? Probably.

She turned another page in her book and then flipped back three, realizing she hadn't even been reading anything. She had a project to do. 'Focus, Tierney. Focus.'

[Landon Rederick]

Landon had never been so excited to be back in school. He was starting his seventh year, and while it was going to be a bit stressful come exams, he was sure he would have a lot of fun. Though his best friend was nowhere to be found. He hadn’t seen Tierney since the start of the term which he thought to be very odd, considering that they were in the same house. He was also pretty sure that she would come back home before the term even started, but figured that maybe there was no time. He glanced around for her in classes, in between, and during meals, but he never saw or heard her. At this point, Landon wasn’t even confident that Tierney had even returned to school. And what was even stranger was that she never even responded to his letters after the first two. He’s sent several and patiently waited for her owl to show up on her windowsill but he never did. He was genuinely concerned.

In addition, he was dying to see her so that he could ask her out. He’d played the scenario over and over in his head, trying to figure out exactly what he would say to her. He didn’t want it to be corny or cheesy, but he didn’t want it to seem nonchalant either. He just wanted to really express his interest in her and his desire to explore the possibility of a relationship. And merlin knows that she needs a good man in her life considering she just broke things off with a grimy demon. All he wanted was to take her out somewhere nice and just have fun with the understanding that they were on a date. They’d had plenty of fun times together in private, but Landon didn’t want to hide anymore. Landon wanted to be honest and tell her that he had feelings for her, though she probably already knew that, and hope that she’d be interested in exploring them with him. Everyday his confidence changed. Some days he was sure that she’d be all over the idea and others he felt like she might laugh at him. None of that really mattered since she couldn’t find her.

Advanced Astronomy had Landon struggling to write a paper. It had to be three scrolls long and he barely had the first sentence. He was in the library rummaging through several books trying to find anything that could help him get the paper started. He’d only been there for twenty minutes and he already wanted to give up. He was walking briskly past on of the isles when he saw a glimmer out of the corner of his eye. Landon back tracked to see what it was when he saw Tierney. All thoughts of the glimmer immediately went out the window. “TIERNEY!!” He was elated to finally see her. The smile on his face went from ear to ear. He wanted to hug her, to tell her everything. He wanted to tell her how much he missed her, what the quidditch camp was like, the awesome stuff he bought in paris, how crazy Victoria went the day after they broke up, and everything else. He wanted to hear all about her time in Romania and what happened when she broke things off with Lucian. “Where have you—“ And then he saw it, the giant rock on her left ring finger. It was gaudy and even bigger than before. “What the HELL is that?!” He started shaking his head in disbelief. “Tierney…” She’d better have a damn good explanation why she had another ring on. “That better be a ‘sorry I’m such a dick here’s a tacky going-away present’ present!”

[Tierney Harper]

Tierney nearly jumped in her seat as she heard Landon call her name. No mistaking his voice... she knew it too well from the fights, the teasing, the whispered secrets. Her heart hammered against her ribcage, trying to break free it seemed. It felt like she moved in slow motion to turn and see him. Everyone around had stared at the boy who shouted, the librarian had shushed him, Tierney... well she swallowed hard and braced herself for --- yup, there it was.

He had spotted her ring and he seemed... upset. She wasn't expecting that. He genuinely seemed outraged. She looked around and the people still staring and chuckled, moving over to him and taking him by his bicep, leading him down an aisle and away from the crowd who was far too interested in their conversation. Didn't they have work to do?

When they reached an area that was void of others she release his arm and looked back at him. Her first instincts were to hug him, to kiss him. She had missed him so much and now here he was and she... she couldn't do anything about it. She lifted her hand, her wedding ring visible and sparkling, even in the dull light of the corner they were in. "It's... a wedding ring. I'm..." Merlin, she couldn't tell him! She couldn't say it. The words got lodged in her throat as she tried to pronounce them. Tears threatened to pool in her eyes, but she choked them back like she choked on her words and cleared her throat. "I'm married to Lucian."

She looked away, her head almost imperceptibly hung. "I married him about a month or so before term started." She wanted to tell him why. She wanted to tell him how Lucian threatened his life, how she went through with her worst nightmare just to make sure he would be ok... but if she said a word she'd likely get him killed. "I'm sorry. Tell your friend I'm sorry. I..." Didn't have much choice. "Talked with Lucian and decided to give him a chance."

She looked back and him and her eyes silently begged for him to understand everything she hadn't said, but it was unlikely he would. She could hope, but... with all her indecisiveness she wouldn't blame him if he couldn't read between the lines. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you either. I was so busy back in Romania and then when I got back here I thought I'd have more time, but classes started and... I just haven't."

Tierney bit the inside of her bottom lip and twisted the ugly ring on her finger. She caught a glimpse of movement to her right and glanced down to see someone moving between the stacks of books. She eyed them suspiciously and looked back to Landon, "Look, I have work to do and I'm sure you do too. Maybe we should get back to that, yeah? We could talk some other time... I'd understand though if you didn't have time. I don't really have time. We should just go back to our lives and, you know, forget about this conversation."

She did her best to keep her eyes from flicking back and forth toward every minuscule movement she saw. Lucian really had her paranoid, but the last thing she wanted was for Landon to end up dead just cause she talked to him too long or was too friendly. At the same time though she couldn't just stop being friends with him. She couldn't... besides, how would she pick a fight bad enough to end their friendship? She just... couldn't. No. She wouldn't. She didn't want him dead but pushing him out of her life created the same effect. She wouldn't do it... unless she had to.

[Landon Rederick]

((I've been sitting on this for a few days, but I didnt want to post it because I felt like it was really bad. I had no focus this week. It's midterm session. Anyway, I decided to post it anyway because I tried and failed at making it better. Hopefully the next one wont suck))

The minute Landon’s eyes landed on the ring, he felt a flurry of different emotions that he couldn’t control. He was angry, confused, hurt, and shocked among other things. He was so taken aback that he didn’t acknowledge the librarian or pay any attention to the other students that were staring. He didn’t give a damn who heard. Tierney had some serious explaining to do and he didn’t care if the whole world was watching.

Landon hadn’t even noticed that Tierney had dragged him away until he looked away from her face and realized that they were now alone. He couldn’t possibly fathom any sort of explanation as to why there was a gaudy ring on her finger, or as to why she hadn’t spoken to him in almost two months. His mind drifted back to the fight they’d had before she left. She did say that she didn’t want to talk to him until he started to figure himself out. But he’d broken up with Victoria and he was happy and he knew what he wanted. She would know that if she had read his letters. He wrote to her almost weekly, even though he never got a response. Landon just assumed that things were getting too complicated to write back.

Landon knew what was coming. He wasn’t an idiot. But knowing didn’t make it any less painful, so he closed his eyes and braced himself. “ I'm married to Lucian.” He opened his eyes and looked at her. Nope, closing them didn’t really help either. His heart ached and his eyes stung. He wanted to kick, scream, yell, cry, run, punch, anything. This screwed up everything. How could she do this? He didn’t believe a word she said. Everything she was saying was “Bullshit! Are you serious right now?” He eyed her hard, searching her face for answers but he couldn’t find them. He just knew that she wasn’t telling him the truth. “You’re lying! You’re so full of it.” Landon was so upset. He felt like she’d just punched him in the chest. She’d ignored him, came back married after she swore she wouldn’t, and now she was lying.

“I don’t even know why I bother,’ he said, shaking his head in disappointment. “I should’ve figured this was going to happen. But the Tierney I know doesn’t let people walk all over her. You’re going to be miserable.” And now so was he. This ruined everything. He didn’t even know what to do now. She was pretty much his only real friend. Everyone else was so superficial. And it didn’t help that he couldn’t look at her without wanting her. He’d missed her so much over the summer. He’d wanted to hear her laugh, touch her skin, kiss her lips. Maybe this was his fault for assuming that things would work out the way he wanted them to. Maybe this was some sort of karma for not trying to work things out with Victoria again. Whatever the reason, he ended up screwed.

[Tierney Harper]

Tierney had figured Landon wouldn't take it well, but he took it so much worse than she expected. What was wrong with him? Ok he hated Lucian and ok he was her friend and he wanted her happy, but his reaction now was so... strong. Much stronger than it needed to be.

He called her out on what she said, claiming it was bullshit and that she was lying. She couldn't meet his eyes, but she forced herself not to look away from him. "Landon, it's not bullshit. I---" She was cut off as he continued and she bit her lip, listening to him vent.

"But the Tierney I know doesn’t let people walk all over her. You’re going to be miserable."

Her chest ached. Honestly it hurt so bad she wanted to cry. She knew she was going to be miserable. She knew it. If only he knew that she didn't let Lucian walk all over her for nothing. She didn't give in for nothing. She gave in for him. She didn't want to marry Lucian but she'd rather be miserable than be the reason Landon was dead. She wished she could express that to him, but she couldn't and it made her chest ache more.

"I'm glad you're so happy for me, Landon. Thank you for your well wishes. Thank you for your desire to see us have a long and prosperous marriage." The sarcasm was thick, but at the same time half-heartedly applied. "I'm giving him a chance. We talked and I think we can work something out that will benefit us and our people at the same time."

"I'm not you, Landon. I have other people to think about besides myself. I have other people who depend on me. I know I won't be taking over the tribe when my father, Gods forbid, passes on, but just the same I need to take care of them. I still have a duty to take care of them. My life is different from yours. Your family only needs one person to run things and then you can hire outsiders to do the rest - you can't hire someone to rule a tribe for you. Everything to do with the tribe rests upon the shoulders of my family and my family alone. The things I do can be the difference between life and death for my people." Tierney's voice was no more than a whisper by the time she finished speaking. She had fought the urge to say 'for you' with her last line and barely corrected herself.

"Why are you being like this anyway? I know you dislike Lucian and I know you want to see me happy, but you're overreacting. You didn't even wait to yell at me. I mean, I'm sorry. I know I said I was going to come back single for your friend, but I had no intentions of lying. When I said that it was the truth. Things change though. It happens. You claimed you wanted to break things off with Victoria and you changed your mind so... I don't see the difference." She sighed heavily and turned slightly away from him.

"Look, I..." She wanted to make excuses about needing to go back and work, but she couldn't bring herself to leave just yet. She hadn't seen him in so long and while he brain was telling her to leave her heart ached at the idea and her body wouldn't step away. "I'm sorry, Landon." It was the best she could do, the best she could say to him. "I'm sorry."

[Landon Rederick]

Landon didn’t like being sensitive. He felt like it made him less of a man. But he knew that he was more sensitive than the average buff, he was just stubborn about it and did his best to hide it. Right now, he was failing. He was feeling so many different things at the moment, anger toward the newlyweds, disappointment in Tierney, and sadness in heart, and it was all becoming very overwhelming. Sometimes he wished he could be numb to it all. Allowing himself to be vulnerable, to feel, meant taking his walls down, allowing himself to get hurt.

“Happy for you?! You expect me to be happy for you?! Tierney, I KNOW this is not what you want, no matter how hard you try to convince yourself, me or anyone else for that matter. I don’t care if you think this will work out in the long run, because I know no matter what, you will never be completely happy in this marriage. You’re only hurting yourself and I am not going to be supportive of that.” Not to mention, the marriage was hurting him too. He let his feelings get the best of him over the summer and convinced himself that once he broke up with Victoria Tierney would want to be with him. It didn’t seem like she cared at all. She seemed to care about everyone else, but him. Apparently he was mistaken. He wasn’t as high up on her list of priorities as he thought.

“You keep talking about all of these people! Your parents, your people, Lucian, his people. It’s always the same damn thing.” He honestly was trying not to raise his voice, but again, he was failing. He was trying to talk over the loud pounding in his chest. What about me? Did you ever stop to think that I might be affected by this decision, or was everything I said in my letters completely unimportant?” He was pacing back and forth like a mad man. He could hear her rambling on about him overreacting and it was just making him more and more irate. He knew she wasn’t dense. Why was she being so slow on the uptake? He practically spelled it out in his letters. He now understands why she didn’t write back, but she should have at least read them.

Apparently not. “This isn’t about Lucian. FUCK Lucian. And this isn’t about my friend either. There is no friend, Tierney! There is only me! There has only ever been me! I figured out what I wanted, Tierney. I wanted you.” He wanted to shake her, as if that would make things clear. She didn’t know how he felt because she hadn’t read the letters. But why hadn’t she? He was so confused, but he put that aside. He wasn’t done ranting yet. “I’ve wanted you for so long. I wound up in a shitty relationship so I could stay close to you. I was kidding myself. I listened to what you said and realized that I couldn’t sacrifice my happiness anymore. I went through the worst break up. I opened up to you. And you come back married.”

Landon sat down in a nearby arm chair with a huff. He felt defeated. “I don’t even know why I bother. I don’t even know what the hell I am saying anymore…not that it would even matter.” He put his face in his hands with a sigh. After a minute or so he looked up, directly into her eyes. “I care so much about you. I’ve never felt this way about someone before. I don’t even understand it. All I wanted was a chance to explore these feelings with you.” He chuckled. “You know, I’ve never been rejected before. I’m not really sure how to deal with it but I’m sure I’ll figure it. So it’s fine if you don’t want to be with me. But don’t lie and tell me that it’s because you sincerely want to give Lucian another chance. I’ve been totally honest with you. I deserve that much.”

[Tierney Harper]

Tierney visibly flinched at Landon's tone, volume, and words. Never in her life had she ever expected him to react like this. Maybe it was wishful thinking, but she had hoped he'd have been calmer. She had hoped he'd be more indifferent. It would make things a lot easier if it turned out he really didn't care, but in reality the boy cared a lot more than Tierney could have guessed.

The more he spoke the more Tierney came to realize the gravity of the situation. When he asked if she ever thought how her decision would effect him she already felt bad, but when he came right out and admitted there was no friend, that it was just him and had always been him... well there was no describing the pain she felt. Wasn't he saying everything she had wanted to hear? He wanted her. He cared about her. Merlin, it wasn't fair!

He asked about the letters and she suddenly wished she had read them. She wanted to know so badly what he wrote to her. She wanted to explain to him that she did this for him because if he died she might as well too, as over dramatic as that might seem. She noted though that he never said he loved her... not that she expected him to, but even though she didn't expect it she used it as her only method of holding herself together. She used it to remind herself that he was still unreliable and she still didn't mean that much to him.

As he sat there, looking utterly defeated, she argued with herself. She wanted to hug him, to tell him everything, but she couldn't. She couldn't put his life at risk like that by being too friendly with him, too caring. Instead she had to do something she never wanted to do. She had to hurt him, possibly severely. She had to say something cruel and twisted and wrong. Swallowing down her sentimental feelings she put on what she hoped was a cold facade.

"You expect me to believe that load of bullshit? Don't you sit there and lecture me and complain to me that I never thought of you. Like you said, you're not used to rejection so isn't that all this is? I read your letters and every one was 'Victoria this' 'Victoria that'. You couldn't make up your mind if she was what you wanted or not. I got sick of reading that crap after a while, so I stopped." The pain in her chest was growing, sharp and overbearing. She already wanted to cry and the pain only made her desire worse. She felt she might faint from it if it kept up, but she had no choice.

This was for his own good.

"You should have listened to me before, Landon. I warned you, did I not? Being a playboy, being so finicky... when you finally wanted someone they wouldn't want you because of it. Guess what? I don't want you. I thought for a bit that maybe I did. Then I went to Romania and realized what a fool I was, letting you play me like that. If I had come back single my people would have suffered and we'd have been happy for what, a few weeks? A month or two max. Then you'd get bored or 'confused' and move on. That's not someone I need to be with. Lucian may be a lot of things I don't like, but at least he in reliable unlike you." Her stomach was starting to churn and cramp too. She felt awful and dizzy and... she just needed to get out of there as quickly as possible.

"You can tell just from your words how unreliable you are. Want, want, want. What a spoiled, rich, little brat you are. Well this is one girl you can't have regardless of how much you want her." Tierney turned without hesitation and swiftly walked back to the table she'd been working at, grabbed her things while excusing herself, and left the library in a hurry. Once she was back in her dormitory she finally let the tears roll and sank down next to her four-post bed sobbing. Not only did ruin any chance of being together with Landon romantically, but there was a damn good chance she'd just ruined their friendship too.

If only the pain in her chest would just kill her instead of simply torturing her.