An Unusual Winter Gloom

[Tierney Harper]

It was difficult to think that at around the same time the previous year Tierney and Landon had first made amends in the very courtyard Tierney now stood in. It looked about the same too - freshly fallen snow on everything with a gray sky overhead. Last year that scene was a happy one despite the crying she had done and the awkwardness of some moments. In the end, Tierney and Landon had essentially become friends and that had made the whole memory pleasant despite individual scenes that weren't. Now the scene looked darker and grayer than before. It looked cold and sad and empty. For the first time in her life Tierney viewed winter as a time of death, as an end.

Shuffling slowly, she made her way over to the bench she had sat on those many months before. She didn't even bother to clear it off before plopping down onto it. Her butt immediately froze, but she didn't notice; her thoughts were elsewhere - mainly with a certain infuriating gentleman. (Well, gentleman was a term she used loosely in this case.) This whole friendship with Landon did a complete 360. Enemies to tolerances to friends to lov--- friends with benefits to... What were they now? Tierney had said she didn't want to be enemies with him again, but they weren't friends right now either and if he kept up this behavior she would be his enemy again. She... no. If he kept up his current behavior she would ignore him. She would put him out of her life.

She couldn't get involved with him again if he became like he was. She wouldn't waste her time on a lost cause. It would hurt her too much, she'd just have to forget about him. It wouldn't be too hard, right? After all, he didn't mean that much to her, he was just a friend not a lover or anything. He didn't have her heart.

As if to check this she instinctively put a hand to her chest and felt for a heartbeat. A flash of panic went through her as she didn't feel a thing, but then there it was, slowly and softly beating and she relaxed, but didn't move her hand. She needed to feel that beat right now; she needed to reassure herself that Landon didn't mean a thing to her and she could walk away. After all the crying she had done on her return from Hogsmeade and all the aching pain - the tightness of her chest - every day since, she needed to talk herself into believing that that funny, sweet, entertaining, charming, intelligent, caring, handsome boy didn't exist. He was a figment of her imagination and even if he wasn't, he still wasn't someone she couldn't live without.

Except that as she thought about him her heart beat faster and thumped against her chest. That faint beating she had felt before was abruptly changed into something stronger and more noticeable. There was no doubt that she felt it now. The tightness in her chest returned, the butterflies in her stomach appeared. Had she so successfully talked herself into being ok with her affair with him that she had somehow tricked herself into really liking him?

Or did she really like him all along?

No, this was her imagination too, just like that amazing boy she thought Landon was for a short while. She didn't like him. This racing heart would go away. She wouldn't cry... she wouldn't cry... She was crying.

Tierney felt the tears roll down her cold cheeks, burning hot. Imagination or not, the illusion she created was strong enough to affect her thus. It made her cry, it made her hurt, now that she had to roughly cast it off. It almost as if her brain was telling her she couldn't do it. He brain believed it to be the truth and wouldn't allow her to force some false reality into its space no matter how hard she tried. It was being so stubborn about it it was causing her panic attacks and tears. There was something terribly wrong with her.

After a moment of sitting there Tierney went to stand and return inside, but a wave of nausea overtook her and she sat back down. Pulling up the hood of her cloak, she laid down on the short stone bench, curled up in a ball, and covered her face to hide her tears from anyone who might casually pass by. No one needed to see her like this, no one needed to know how effectively she had fucked up her mind, her heart, her beliefs - her life.

And on top of all her Landon problems... her fiance problems were put into light. Maybe that was where all this really came from. In her pocket sat the note from her father that read:

My dearest Tierney,

I hate to rush your childhood more than you know, but tensions have risen here in the past months as word of the growing evil in Britain has spread to us. Despite the tentative peace treaty set up, fights have begun to break out again and the people are screaming for something to be done. The demon king and I have made the decision to push up your marriage with the prince. You will return home this winter break and go through the preparations so that this summer you can be married.

Please don't hate your papa. If there was any other way you know I would rather take it than marry off my little princess, but there's nothing to be done about it now. I look forward to seeing the beautiful girl I sent off over a year ago and hope the British haven't rubbed off on you too much.

Te iubesc,
Papa

In six months she would be a wife to a demon who would never love her romantically, who would never give her children, who would be her husband in name only. Tierney Lazarovici - it left a bitter, unpleasant taste in her mouth and it was difficult for her tongue to say. It didn't flow right for her, but this was the name she'd have to get accustomed to using.

[Kendall Jones]

Kendall wandered out of the Great Hall and stepped out into the courtyard slipping on a pair of gloves while he walked. As he walked through the doorway he surveyed the scene, it was certainly quite gloomy, the sky was opaque and overcast as it had been for months,making the sun almost unrecognizable. The stone cobbles underfoot were covered in a snowy crust and there was a chill in the air that could easily give you frostbite if you stayed out there for too long.

He exhaled quite loudly showing his displeasure,shrugged his shoulders and began walking through the courtyard. Maybe he would take a walk down by the lake, or go to the owlery, after all he had written a letter to his mother last week but still had not got around to sending it. He was sure she was worrying, and who could blame her. He had not written at all since he had returned to Hogwarts, this made his insides squeal with guilt.

The snow crunched under his shoes as he made his way to the exit of the courtyard, thinking of how much his mother had been through in the last twelve months and how he should be supporting her as much as possible, but it wasn't that easy. She wasn't the only one in pieces, his father's imprisonment had been like a bombshell for Kendall, sure he hadn't seen his father for months previously but he had never thought he was capable of such despicable actions. The thought of it made his stomach churn. He had almost done the same himself when he heard a 5th year whisper "Criminal" as he walked in the common room a day previously. Kendall had to be physically restrained as he pushed the 5th year up the wall and was ready to lay into him, lucky there was a prefect around else he would have been expelled for sure.

He clenched his fist, it was not easy being himself at the moment, having the feeling that half of his friends and classmates were talking behind his back, even though he had done nothing wrong but in their eyes seemed every bit as guilty as his father. He could fucking kill his dad for what he had done.

As he was leaving he thought he heard a whimper on the wind, he turned around and out the corner of his eye he saw a dark haired girl with her head in hands sitting on a bench on the opposite side of the courtyard. She had not noticed him so he stood in the archway and watched her for a minute, the girl stood for a second but then seemed to flop back onto the bench and lay curled up in a ball. He thought maybe she was feeling light headed or had fainted, he did not recognize the girl as she had now put her hood up but decided to walk over anyway to see if she was OK.

As he approached the girl was still not aware of his presence, he found an empty section of bench, just wide enough to fit his backside in and he sat down next to the girls feet. He did not say anything as he thought the girl probably didn't want him to be there, but he didn't want to leave her out in the cold in a state like this, whatever was the matter with her. So he leaned back and looked up in murky Grey sky acting as though it were normal to do this.

A couple of minutes went by of more or less total silence apart from the distant sound of laughter from the great hall and of the occasional chirping of a sparrow flying overhead. Gusts of wind blew through the courtyard like the ghosts that haunted its buildings, the darkness had given the snow an almost blue-ish tint in the fading sunlight. It was oddly peaceful out here even though it was freezing. He turned his attention back to the girl, he had to ask

"Are you O.K down there?"he said softly whilst rummaging in his draw string bag. She must be cold lying on the bench which in fact felt like ice. He fiddled for a few seconds then pulled out an emerald green quidditch shirt bearing the Slytherin logo and had the name JONES stretched across the back, it was quite creased as it had been in the bag since practice yesterday.

"Here, I know you probably don't feel like going inside right now, and I'm with you on that one, but here take this, you're going to catch a death out here". He placed the shirt by the side of her.

"I'm not trying to intrude but I saw you kind of collapse back onto the bench as i was walking by, I thought maybe you had fainted or something?" he added trying to sound friendly.

He placed his bag back on the floor and shoved a couple of textbooks back inside and stowed it underneath the bench.

[Tierney Harper]

It wasn't long that she laid there before someone joined her. She was too frightened to look up though. If it was Landon she would simply die on the spot. Honestly, just keel over from heart failure. If it wasn't him she would certainly be disappointed and then completely embarrassed by her disarrayed state. So she waited... and waited... and waited some more.

Just as curiosity started to get the better of her she heard the person who had sat near her feet speak. It wasn't Landon and she felt her heart clearly sink. She felt less sick to her stomach though knowing it wasn't him. Cautiously, Tierney lifted her hand to her hood and peeked around it at the boy who was now digging around in a bag for something. He pulled out a quidditch shirt and placed it near her, telling her to take it and inquiring as to whether she had fainted or not.

She sat up slowly and slid into a sitting position, taking the shirt and putting it in her lap as she removed her cloak to put it on. She had to admit she was freezing now that she thought about it. Her face was so cold that the side pressed to the bench had gone completely numb. Pulling her cloak back on over her shoulders she turned to the boy and gave him a watery smile, "Thank you."

Still she didn't answer his questions. She didn't really know how. If she said she was fine that would be a blatant lie, but she didn't know the boy well enough to explain anything to him. Instead she settled for a partial truth, "I'm feeling better. I just received an upsetting letter from my family."

With the back of her left hand she wiped her cheeks clean and held out her right to the boy for a shake, "Tierney Harper, also a Slytherin." She nodded down to the shirt she was now wearing and managed a slightly stronger smile.

[Kendall Jones]

It took a while but the girl eventually sat up and took his shirt, he was glad, he didn't want the girl to think he was showing off that he was in the Quidditch team its just that next to his jumper it was the warmest piece of clothing he owned. Kendall smiled politely as the girl said thank you and asked "Is that any better, you look frozen! how long have you been out here?"

The girl stretched out a hand and introduced herself and as she did he noticed her green and silver tie, Tierney Harper?he was sure he had heard that name before and the face looked quite familiar. He got lost in his own trail of thought for a second then held out his own hand to shake hers. Her fingers felt like icicles "Hi Tierney, I'm Kendall Jones, also a slytherin" he added with a hint of a grin. It was pretty obvious as he had handed her a Slytherin shirt but he felt like saying it anyway.

She uttered the words 'family' and 'upsetting' and his face sank and felt his hand slipping into a tight fist again,he looked down at his shoes and murmured "Family problems, yeah i know all about that shit, but i guess you've probably heard already" He looked away ashamed. The girl too was troubled he could tell but he didn't want to ask her further questions as it may upset her even more.

"Suits you ya know, you'll have to come to practice next week we could do with another chaser" he said playfully pointing to the shirt trying to change the subject. Even though there was a comical tone to his voice, he had to admit she did look pretty damn good in his shirt. "Tierney, thats an interesting name, is it like Irish or something?" he added sounding interested.

" I have a tissue too if you want to dry your eyes, we cant have people seeing you in this state, it'll only start them talking." he said giving her a reassuring pat on the shoulder.

[Tierney Harper]

"It's much better! I've been out here for... um... well, for a while now." Tierney managed a short laugh though it was fairly humorless. She couldn't recall the exact amount of time, but she knew she had to have been out in the cold for a while. Maybe not as long as she felt though since everything seemed to be blurring together and after the news from her father time had slowed down greatly. It just seemed to drag on. She knew though that by tomorrow the end of term would go whizzing by to rush her home for marriage preparations - time was cruel like that.

As Kendall accepted her hand and introduced himself she observed his face closely and tried to place it. He looked vaguely familiar, but that was probably because they were in the same house. She'd probably seen him in the common room or in a class. After he reacted to her comment about family issues, then it clicked. He was the one whose father had been arrested recently. Tierney frowned, remembering the rude whispers she had heard in the halls about it. "I have heard, yeah. No worries though, I don't judge people based on their parents. I know first hand how different children can be from those who raise them."

Lucian was a demon. His father was ruthless, but he was sweet - so far. Landon and Tris' parents stole, murdered, blackmailed, and generally broke every law possible but Landon was... well... Tris was a good person who believed in following laws and worked hard to get everything she had from grades to her quidditch position. Sure she was aggressive and a a bit violent, but that was a survival technique more than anything and she had her sweet moments, occasionally.

Even Tierney herself was quite different from her parents. They liked to fight, they liked to travel, but they were quiet people who would rarely voice their opinion if it would upset anyone. They dealt with the changes around them... Tierney fought changes, she spoke her mind regardless of the outcome (except in certain situations like the Rederick house where it could very well get you killed on the spot), she disliked fighting, and she would much rather settle down in one home and spend her life there.

Tierney was broken out of her thoughts as Kendall continued, changing the subject, "Suits you ya know, you'll have to come to practice next week we could do with another chaser." Tierney smirked, "The only problem with that is that I can't fly to save my life! Terribly frightened of it too. I'm very much rooted to the ground and not to the sky."

He asked about her name and she nodded, "Yeah, my father is half Irish, half Romanian. Which is also why my last name is of English origin rather than Romanian. You can imagine the uproar that caused in my mother's pure Romanian family when she married someone who wasn't also pure Romanian." Tierney laughed and shook her head. "I don't get why it's such a big deal myself, but it's not my job to worry about that I suppose."

" I have a tissue too if you want to dry your eyes, we cant have people seeing you in this state, it'll only start them talking."

"Oh, let them talk!" Tierney frowned and waved her hand in the air in frustration. "They'll chalk it up to boy problems or something equally foolish. Frankly, I really don't care. They can say what they want, but I know the truth of the matter and their opinions matter little to me anyway. Who are they to me? People I barely know who swear to know all about me? Not even! They're people who happen to go to the same school who I will most likely never encounter again after graduation. That's only two years away and the things they say now won't even be remembered next month."

[Kendall Jones]

"Well, I'm glad you're OK now Tierney" he replied. He got the impression that she had been out here a lot longer than she previously thought.

Kendall squirmed uneasily as he waited for Tierney to respond about his father, he knew she would, how could she not? Everyone was talking about it or so it seemed to Kendall. Even some of his teachers and friends had been giving him an unusually wide birth this term. He saw her frown but then she responded

"I have heard, yeah. No worries though, I don't judge people based on their parents. I know first hand how different children can be from those who raise them."

" Thanks" he replied. Her comments made Kendall feel a bit better and he gave her a semi sincere smile but was clearly not convinced. The thing was he and his father were very alike in more ways than he would like to admit, they both had a short fuse with people they disliked or got in there way, they both became very solitary when they were troubled or depressed and both got into trouble using there fists.

He had once read one of his dads old school timetables which was tossed aside in a box in the loft and at his age his father had taken the exact same subjects Kendall was taking this year. This had freaked Kendall out a little as they were almost too similar. What if he had the same darkness deep inside him that his father has? what if one day he will abandon everything he loved and held most dear.What if one day he became a murderer.His brain winced at the thought of this word, the amount of times he had heard that whispered cold and callously in his direction the past couple of months it really did make him want to be what they said he was. That would shut them all up.

He tried to think of something nice to say but he was filled with too much dark emotion that anything he said would of sounded wrong. Luckily the girl stepped in and replied to his earlier comment about coming to quidditch practice. This made him snap out of it and he smiled broadly when she was explaining how she wasn't the most adept flyer "Aw, theres nothing to be scared of though anyone can be a good flyer if they put enough practice in, the key is in centering Ur balance when your on the broom and how to lean when changing direction but...." he stopped abruptly and laughed

"Sorry, sometimes i think i should be the Quidditch coach for England. I know you probably don't care. If you do though i can always help you out one day or give you a few pointers, i helped my cousin learn how to fly properly last year and you cant get her off the broom now!" he replied in a light hearted tone.

The conversation had perked him up a little. It was nice to talk to someone who wasn't constantly asking how he was or that it was such a shame about his father, however he liked that many of the younger children now feared him as it meant they would leave him alone, he had little tolerance for immature people.

Tierney spoke again and explained how she was half Irish half Romanian "Thats certainly an interesting mix,You can probably tell from my name but I'm half Welsh, don't hold that against me " he replied grinning. He made a joke about it but he was intensely proud of his welsh background and he had lived in Wales for far longer than he lived in England, he certainly felt more Welsh than English.

"They'll chalk it up to boy problems or something equally foolish. Frankly, I really don't care. They can say what they want, but I know the truth of the matter and their opinions matter little to me anyway. Who are they to me? People I barely know who swear to know all about me? Not even! They're people who happen to go to the same school who I will most likely never encounter again after graduation. That's only two years away and the things they say now won't even be remembered next month."

Kendall had clearly struck a nerve, and thought that he had maybe angered her a little. "Sorry, i just thought u might wanna dry your eyes a bit don't want your mascara to run. The clown look is not a good one"he joked retreating a little.

She seemed like a strong character much like he was and her attitude was much like his in the fact that usually he wouldn't give a shit what people were saying bout him, everyone pretty much knew him from quidditch and in the past year alone must have been romantically linked with around 200 girls in the school. most of which was complete and utter bullshit and Kendall just shrugged it off with a laugh or a dirty look, but when you're being accused of being a murderer and a death eater and your family name being slated its a little difficult not to care.

He decided to change the subject "I think i remember you now, i may have even spoke to you before your face seems real familiar, didn't you used to hang around with that London boy or Larry whatever his name is."

Kendall did not much care for most of the boys in his house so didn't really get on first name terms with many of them he just had a few select friends he had known since the first year and a few from Ravenclaw.

[Tierney Harper]

Tierney grinned when he offered to help her with flying. "That's very nice of you, but I really don't know. Honestly I'm terrified of the sky, of just... floating. I don't know. I'm fine with tall cliffs, buildings, etc. As long as I have something firmly and solidly beneath my feet, I'm good, but take that away and I'm scared stiff! I would like to get over the fear though, but I think it would take me a while." She thought back to the days when Tristise's siblings would gather to play quidditch and Tierney had sat on the sidelines as the referee, keeping score and such. Oh, sure, she had tried actually playing once, but she was so frightened of taking off that she had given up which lead to months of teasing from Landon. Ah, the good ol' days.

"That's certainly an interesting mix,You can probably tell from my name but I'm half Welsh, don't hold that against me." Tierney laughed and shook her head, "Oh no, not a Welshman!" She had nothing against the Welsh or any other nationality for that matter. Her only bias was really against demons and now that she was marrying one even that bias was slowly slipping away. Oh, well there was also the womanizer thing, but what woman in their right mind wouldn't dislike a womanizer?

"Sorry, i just thought u might wanna dry your eyes a bit don't want your mascara to run. The clown look is not a good one."

Tierney got the impression she might have scared the boy a bit with her tirade. Smiling softly, she gave him her most sheepish look. "No, I should be apologizing. I didn't mean to make you think I was angry with you or scare you or anything with my rant. I'm just so sick of people. Why can't they mind their own business? Why is it that we have statuses and things? Why can't people just do what they want and everyone else just mind their own business? And no worries on the mascara, I don't wear it during school. Too much effort and who exactly is their to impress?"

"I think I remember you now, I may have even spoke to you before your face seems real familiar, didn't you used to hang around with that London boy or Larry whatever his name is."

Speaking of womanizers and statuses, 'London' was mentioned. Tierney smirked, "Landon? I didn't exactly hang out with Landon, more like tormented him and ruined his social life. Man can that boy bounce back though! Just one short year and he's nearly king of the school again, I dare say a lot of that was Victoria Reyes' doing though." When she said Victoria's name there was a definite bitterness, a clear dislike for her. In fact, one might even say it sounded like Tierney hated her, but that would be silly. Tierney didn't even know her! No, no, she was just annoyed that Victoria had given Landon back his proud social standing in a few short months of being here. That was it, honestly.

"Or maybe you meant my fian..." Tierney trailed off and swallowed a growing lump in her throat. There was definitely no denying it now - she was engaged to Lucian and she was going to marry him whether she liked it or not. She'd never had so much trouble calling him her fiance until now, until it was official and basically carved in stone. "My fiance, Lucian Lazarovici?" An abrupt pain stabbed in her chest and she clenched her jaw to hide a flinch, expertly turning it into a smile. Reality had never hurt so much, but the reality of marrying Lucian was very, very painful. Why?

[Kendall Jones]

He felt sympathy towards the girl as he remembered how bad his first flying lesson went. He was in the air, suddenly lost all rational thought and panicked in doing so spun his broom round 360 degrees and knocked out one of his classmates with the blunt end. It had not gone well was an understatement but look how far he had come now Beater on the Quidditch team and flying mentor to some of the younger students. "Don't worry i know all about the fear you just have to master it and make the transition from being terrified to being in control, cos I'm guessing from the sound of it you feel like you have little control of yourself when on the broom?"he replied. Easier said than done he thought but he wanted to reassure her that it wasn't abnormal to be scared of flying.

"Well ,you know if you ever want any help or practice we can always meet up after class or lunchtime or something. We don't have to tell anyone i dint mind" he added smiling. He thought it would be nice to spend a bit of time with Tierney,not that he had any hidden agenda but it was nice to talk to someone who he felt was not constantly judging him or scared of him. A bit of time of the Quidditch pitch would maybe sort his head out a little too.

"Oh no, not a Welshman!" Kendall rolled his eyes and laughed "Don't worry Ive heard it all before, its a good job i dint have much of a Welsh accent isn't it else id get ripped all the time, I don't know what all the fuss is about an Irish accent is more comical than a Welsh one anyway" he winked at Tierney. He was glad she was a bit more upbeat now, he didn't really like being around depressed people at the moment it just made him feel ten times worse about his own situation.

"No, I should be apologizing. I didn't mean to make you think I was angry with you or scare you or anything with my rant. I'm just so sick of people. Why can't they mind their own business? Kendall nodded his head. "I know exactly what you mean and its fine we all have to rant from time to time. I'm so sick of hearing Kendall this and Kendall that, i bet they wouldn't like it if i started sticking my nose in all their fucking affairs and family business! He sounded a little angry himself. He smiled when she said that mascara was too much effort and there wasn't anyone to impress.

"You wouldn't need make any makeup to impress anyway" he tried to stop himself from saying it but it spewed out of his mouth like blood from a punctured artery. He looked away embarrassed and slightly frustrated from what he had just said.

He heard Tierney mention 'Landon' and 'Victoria Reyes' and gave a grunt as a reply. He was in his own head now mentally punching himself because of his inability to control his speech. He was an Occlumens,he was supposed to be a master of mystery when it came to what he was thinking so why was he finding this rather difficult with Tierney.

He thought he heard her say "Or maybe you meant my fian..." but she seemed to stop abruptly. She gave him a forced smile and seemed uneasy, he could tell she was wrestling with some inner demons but he had understood what she was trying to say. "You have a fiancee?" Kendall asked looking rather surprised.

[Tierney Harper]

Tierney blushed and smiled weakly, "Erm, actually I just sort of get.... airsick... I swear my feet are just not made to leave the ground. I get dizzy and nauseous. I would like to change that though so if you're really willing to help me some time, that would be great."

"You wouldn't need any makeup to impress anyway."

Tierney chuckled. The compliment was much appreciated, especially since she was feeling ridiculously unattractive at the moment with tears streaking her cheeks and her eyes were probably red and swollen. Not to mention in general lately she'd been feeling... inadequate. Not like she was comparing herself to Victoria or anything, but she felt she didn't match up. She felt she wasn't pretty enough... but not for Landon. No, she was too good for Landon and that's what she believed. Really. Maybe. Well, ok, she wasn't so sure about that anymore.

What exactly did she believe? What did she feel and think?

Tierney suppressed a sigh focused back on what Kendall was saying. "You have a fiancee?" Tierney nodded slowly, "Mhmm. Due to be married this coming summer. I know it's a little strange at my age, right? But it's complicated - family stuff. It's not so bad though."

Except it really was, especially with the holidays approaching. She'd have to go home and pick out a dress, a theme or colors or whatever. Then before that even there was the fact that the Yule Ball was coming up. No doubt Landon and Victoria would be going together, the thought made Tierney's stomach churn violently. Lucian would be gone for the ball, or so she assumed. Would she have to go alone and suffer the sight of Landon and Victoria? She wondered briefly if Landon would find it amusing that she was alone; she wondered if he'd ridicule her.

But why was she thinking about that? Why did she care? And of course he wouldn't! Victoria might, but Landon wasn't that awful anymore, right? Then again, being around Victoria so much, her habits and personality were bound to rub off...

It didn't matter! She didn't need a date and she didn't care if Landon laughed. It didn't matter... Then, seemingly without a thought she turned to Kendall and smiled sweetly, "Hey, I know this might seem a random question, but I feel the need for a change of subject. Even if my engagement doesn't bother me so much, I... don't like talking about it. So anyway, are you going to the Yule ball? I'm on the committee for it, I think it's going to be great."