Tying Up Loose Ends.

[Tierney Harper]

Tierney sat on the floor of her room with an open trunk and a suitcase on her left and a pile of clothing and various other items to her right. She sighed heavily and fingers a silky black chemise that lay in her lap, her thoughts as far from packing as they could possibly get.

She didn't want to leave. She didn't want to go back to Romania. Granted, she most likely wouldn't be there long, but she'd still rather break things off with Lucian from the relative safety of the UK. What if she went back to Romania and she was forced to stay there and get married against her will? What if her parents were angry and disappointed with her? At least from the UK she wouldn't have to see their pained expressions.

Also... what if in the time she left Landon became really serious with Victoria? Yes, he was dating her now, but he was still iffy on the relationship subject. He still wasn't sure he could see himself marrying her - he'd said so at Christmas and things didn't seem any more solid since then. A lot of things could change though in a few weeks. If she wasn't around when Landon got bored he might decide to hang out with Victoria more and then they could get closer and then he could decide suddenly he could see himself marrying Victoria. Tierney bit her lip and brought her chemise up to cover her face and muffle her scream of frustration.

She wouldn't admit it, but basically she was breaking things of with Lucian because of and for Landon. Even though she didn't have a chance with him now... if things ever fell through with Victoria maybe, just maybe, she'd have a shot. She had resigned herself to the fact she was totally in love with the boy and couldn't bare to marry Lucian against her will for a number of reasons, but mainly for that one.

Why did life and love have to be so complicated? She wanted to break things off with a guy because she loved another who doesn't love her back and somehow she was okay with that? Maybe Tierney was just short a few screws.

She ran her fingers through her hair, pouting as they pulled free of the shortened locks too soon. Why did she cut her hair again? Oh yes, for that same, infuriating, boy she couldn't have. She was a pathetic mess. To think she changed her whole appearance to look more like that bitch Victoria all to try to win over Landon and it didn't work. He didn't magically dump her and profess his love to Tierney... not that she thought exactly that would happen, but still. The point was though he might have enjoyed her new look, it didn't make him love her like he loved Victoria. That was probably for the best since she didn't really want him to love her for her looks, especially not because she looked like someone else, but... Oh, it was all too damn confusing!

The things she did for love - totally fucked up. The worst part was that she couldn't make up her mind about anything. Was a good thing? A stupid thing? A bad thing? Pointless?

Tierney lowered her chemise and hands back into her lap and stared in front of her at the window. It was gray and raining outside - go figure. Even the world felt melancholy and confused, always a good sign... or not.

[Landon Rederick]

Ever since the gala his family hosted, there’s been a bit of a skip in Landon’s step. One might ask why, considering that the tension that evening was ridiculously thick. His family had been pissing him off and Victoria was more suffocating than usual. But ever since Tierney told him that she was going to break things off with Lucian, Landon couldn’t be happier. And he didn’t feel guilty one bit. Landon didn’t agree with the engagement from the very beginning, and being supportive was proving to be much more difficult than he expected. But now that Tierney was going to break off the engagement, he was sure she’d be happier, which made him happy.

What happened afterward didn't hurt either. He'd be lying if he said he didn't think about it all the time since then. Landon was normally a 'hit it and quit it' kind of guy. He left the day dreaming up to the girls. But this time around he'd found himself reminiscing of that night, replaying it over and over again in his head. Neither of them had intended for what occurred to happen. You know, the typical one thing led to another scenario. They were both on edge that night, or at least Landon was, so once he was started, there was no stopping him. And boy, did he not stop. The fact that he couldn't stop thinking about it was nice, but a little unsettling. This wasn't normal for him. And he was sure that Tierney wasn't sitting around thinking about him. "Though after my performance, I wouldn't be surprised if she was..." Landon thought cockily. He shook his head quickly, trying to clear his head. He really needed to stop this.

He slept in today, enjoying the time off from school. It was exciting to think that he only had one year left. He had no idea what the future would bring after that so he vowed to have some serious fun during this summer, which would be hard considering that Tierney would be away. Landon had put some thought into it and had realized that he could use part of the summer to figure things out with Victoria. After Tierney told him that she was going to break things off with Lucian (and after they'd hooked up), it made him question his own relationship. Everyday he wondered if he was in the relationship for the right reasons. There was no doubt in his mind that he cared about Victoria, sometimes he thought it possible to even be in love with her again. And the amount of history they had made it easy to justify their relationship. On paper, they seemed like such a good fit. But he wasn’t always happy and he was beginning to wonder if it was worth it.

Landon pushed all of those thoughts aside as he brushed his teeth. Tierney was leaving soon so he had to spend as much time with her as he could. She was his best friend (yes, he could finally admit it) and he’d miss her terribly, in more ways than she would know.

He didn’t bother to change because he was comfortable his favorite green pajama pants and a snug white tshirt. He left his room and padded down the hall, just right next door, to Tierney’s room. He poked his head in the doorway before slipping in and closing the door behind him. “Heeeeeeey Teeeeeeee!!!!!” He announced his presence. He ran his hand over her head, messing up her hair, as he walked passed her to sit on her bed. “Don’t you just love packing all your shit only to have to unpack it later?” he said sarcastically as he plopped down on his stomach. “Or you could just stay…” He knew that this wasn’t possible, but that didn’t stop him from wishful thinking.

[Tierney Harper]

She didn't even hear her door open, but the next thing she knew she heard Landon announce his arrival as he came over and messed up her hair. He laid down on her bed, “Don’t you just love packing all your shit only to have to unpack it later?” Tierney laughed and threw her chemise at him, aiming for his face. At his next words she settled down and sighed. “Or you could just stay…”

"Yeah, I wish. Unfortunately I can't end things unless I do it face to face. My parents would probably disown me if I tried." She slouched, leaning back on her palms and tracing the grain of the wood beneath her fingers. She looked over at her pile of clothing and then up to Landon, "I should just leave my stuff here, hopefully I won't be gone long."

She sat back up right and grabbed a pile of shirts, transferring them from her floor to her trunk and shoving them into the wizard space inside. "I feel bad imposing here though so I'm packing it all." Tierney shrugged and shoved a few more items into her luggage before standing up and moving over to her bed, crashing onto it beside Landon with a groan. "I'm not looking forward to this. Come with meeeee!" She whined, knowing full well it'd probably be impossible for him to do so. She highly doubted his parents would like sending their child into a potential war zone.

She rolled over onto her back and stared up at the ceiling in thought. She could do this. She could break things off with Lucian (hopefully without restarting the turf war) and then come back to the UK and move on with life... She could do it... right?

[Landon Rederick]

“T, you know my parents don’t give a shit. This is your room. No one is going to be in here until you get back.” Landon hoped that Tierney wouldn’t be gone long. Not that it mattered, because he knew things would be okay whenever she came back. Maybe even better than okay.

“Whatever. Lucian’s a big boy. He’ll live.” Landon turned on his side to face her when she came next to him. “I would but that just wouldn’t be…right.” For a number of reasons. He had to stay here with Victoria. His parents wouldn’t be comfortable with it either. He might get killed. Lucian might kill him. Yeah, that probably wasn’t the best idea, not that he hadn’t thought about it. And absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? “Besides, you kick ass. I know you’ll be fine. And you’ll finally be free and happy. Lucian will probably start crying, little bitch. Hahaha. It’s going to be great. But you should bring something back for me.” Like your hot bod. He really wanted to touch her, so bad that his skin was tingling, but he knew better. Instead, he shifted so that he could rest his head on her stomach.

“And I have some things that I need to take care of down here anyway…” Things meaning Victoria. He had no idea what he was going to do. And it’s not like things should be that complicated. It was supposed to be black and white really. If he loved her, he should stay with her. If not, he should break things off. But unfortunately, there’s so much more to the story, a story that he might be finally ready to share.

Short...

[Tierney Harper]

"I know, I know, but... I give a shit. It feels weird to me regardless of if they'd care or not. When I was a child it was nothing, but then I left for so long and now I feel sort of out of place here." She sighed and shrugged. It was amazing how quickly things could change in just a few years, a few months, even a few days.

Tierney laughed as Landon said she kicked ass and that Lucian would cry like a bitch. "I doubt that, but we'll find out, won't we? Anyway, what do you want me to bring back? There's not anything that interesting in Romania, but that could just be me since I live there." She lifted her head and looked down at him when he rested his head on her stomach. Dropping her head back to the mattress she instinctively started playing with Landon's hair and let out a long, relaxed sigh.

"Maybe I'll get you some ugly wood carved statue or a carpet." She chuckled to herself quietly. "Or a plate. Better yet, a book - all in Romanian. You can read that right? I really don't think anything from my home would appeal to you other than perhaps the food, but I don't know how well that would travel and if I return by muggle means like I did for Christmas then the customs agents will have a field day."

“And I have some things that I need to take care of down here anyway…”

"Oh? Like what, if you don't mind me asking? School is out now, you should be done and just relax all summer! Someone should enjoy their time off since I won't." Well, at least she wasn't getting married - right? Hopefully. Her summer wouldn't be awful so long as breaking things off went smoothly.

[Landon Rederick]

It was true, Landon was sure that Lucian probably wouldn’t cry like a bitch after Tierney essentially broke up with him, but that doesn’t mean that he couldn’t pretend. The whole situation was completely fucked up, but not for long. When she came back, things would go back to the way they used to be. Well, almost. He kept forgetting that Victoria was now in the mix and that changed things. Tierney would be single, but he wouldn’t be. Things couldn’t be the way they once were, unless…

Landon closed his eyes and let a lazy grin slide across his face as Tierney started playing with his hair. “Mmm…That’s nice, but that’s not exactly what I had in mind…” His mind drifted back to that night again, their bodies entangled, his lips on her skin. Prior, their physical relationship had been pretty tame, if you could really call it that. She seemed pretty content with everything they'd been doing and he wasn't going to push her into something she didn't want. Sure, he had Victoria, but it wasn’t the same. There was something different about Tierney. Victoria had this way of making Landon feel like something was missing, leaving him unsatisfied. When Tierney kissed him he felt like his insides might explode. His skin tingled at her touch and the hair on his arms and the back of his neck would be on end. But he didn’t feel anything when he was with Victoria any more. It was almost like a chore. “But I suppose you could bring back whatever you like. I’ll love it just the same.” His grin widened as he remembered the course of events and the things she had said to him. Things were good back then. But they were in a completely different place now.

"I never mind you asking. You can ask me anything." He crossed his arms over his chest and exhaled slowly as he thought about the answer to his next question. It’s something that had been floating around in his head for quite some time but never wanted to face. It was too complicated. “I dunno. Vicki and I, I guess. We need some time to just work on our relationship, tackle all of our issues, and see if this is actually going anywhere.” He sighed. “I didn’t imagine things would be this way when I took her back. I thought she had changed, but…or maybe it’s me. You know? I’ve changed a lot since the last time I was with her. I’ve been through a lot. And maybe she thought things were going to be the same as they were, but I could never go back to that. I just want us to be open and honest with each other if we’re going to continue this.”

[Tierney Harper]

Tierney used her free hand to grab a pillow and tucked it under her head so she could sort of see Landon if she looked down. She watched him briefly, seeing a grin on his lips and then relaxed and smiled too. “Mmm…That’s nice, but that’s not exactly what I had in mind…” "Then what did you have in mind? You can't tell me to get you whatever if you clearly had something in mind. I promise I won't laugh if it's stupid... Or well, I'll try not to laugh."

Tierney felt so content the way they were right then with Landon resting his head on her, playing with his hair. Like that it was so easy to forget they both had other people in their lives. Well, Tierney wouldn't for long if she could help it. She only wished Landon wouldn't either so they could go back to the way things were. She missed being able to touch him and kiss him however and whenever she wanted. So many times they had slipped - it wasn't easy to hold back - she was drawn to the boy like he was some sort of super magnet.

She didn't mind that attraction, except when she couldn't act on it. It killed her that these days she'd even feel bad hugging him. A part of her felt bad at that instant, just lounging with him and touching his hair. She knew her actions were just to be a fraction closer to him. She knew there was more to her touch right then than a friendly gesture. She... loved Landon. She wanted him and not just physically, but she'd be happy with physically for just a while if it was all she could get. She knew she couldn't have his heart. He wasn't prepared for love or commitment, plus he had Victoria. So physical was likely to be it and currently she couldn't even have that.

It was so frustrating sometimes she wanted to rip out her hair over it. It was especially hard for her when he was acting caring, when he said sweet things, whenever they were alone together. All the time.

“I dunno. Vicki and I, I guess. We need some time to just work on our relationship, tackle all of our issues, and see if this is actually going anywhere. I didn’t imagine things would be this way when I took her back. I thought she had changed, but…or maybe it’s me. You know? I’ve changed a lot since the last time I was with her. I’ve been through a lot. And maybe she thought things were going to be the same as they were, but I could never go back to that. I just want us to be open and honest with each other if we’re going to continue this.”

'Don't go anywhere, don't sort things out,' Tierney begged in her head. She was an awful, selfish girl, but she really didn't like Victoria and she really didn't want Landon with her and she really wanted him to be single again. If there was a Hell, Tierney was definitely going there.

"How were things before? I don't understand..." Though she was starting to think maybe she did. Didn't Landon previously mention some girl who caused him to become that player he was? It couldn't have been Victoria right? Tierney didn't know any other girls Landon had properly dated though. Why hadn't she thought of that before? Well, she was never certain Landon and Victoria had, in fact, dated before, but obviously they did... For Victoria's sake she better hope Landon didn't confirm Tierney's fears or when Tierney came back she would kill her, or at least her social life. She would do more damage to her reputation than she did to Landon's. She would make sure Victoria Reyes was and would remain a social outcast for the rest of her life - at least among people from Hogwarts.

Tierney was a spiteful, ruthless person beneath her sweet exterior.

[Landon Rederick]

Landon felt as if Tierney was trying to get him into trouble again. If she kept asking him questions this simple situation would quickly turn into another slip up. Not that she really had anything to worry about. She was about to be a single lady again. Landon, on the other hand, was completely spoken for. In fact, Victoria’s claws were dug into him so deep, he wasn’t sure that he’d ever be able to get away…if that’s what he ended up wanting. “I want you…” He paused, wondering if he should just leave it at that. “…to come back single and happy.” Oh well. The day was young.

After Landon and Tierney “slipped up”, a feeling of crushing guilt never came. In fact, he felt more guilty about not feeling guilty. Landon had convinced himself that it had to do with the fact that Victoria had cheated on him once before. And she was leaving him unsatisfied. In reality it was much deeper than that and had nothing at all to do with revenge.

Lately, Landon didn’t know what he wanted. Well, there were about two things that he always wanted. But everything else seemed so unclear recently. He was in a relationship with someone that he couldn’t trust, someone that made him feel inferior and inadequate. He was becoming a submissive doormat, someone he vowed never to be again. And all for what? Stability. He was convinced that this was what he needed. People wanted to see commitment from him well they got it. He just wasn’t sure how much longer he could do it. This wasn’t him. And that’s what he had to figure out this summer.

“Um…” Landon had been avoiding this conversation for a while, but he knew it would eventually catch up with him. He didn’t know how Tierney would react. The story didn’t cast him in the best light. But it would help her understand him more and hopefully bring them together. He shifted against her stomach, taking a deep breath. This was going to be interesting. “Well, you know, Vicki and I got together about 3 years ago. I don’t know if you ever knew that. We were together for over a year.” He laughed as he remembered that year. “I know it might be hard to imagine, but I was totally in love with her. Completely head over heels. I would’ve done anything for her. Things were good for a little while, but then they got really bad and…she just left.”

[Tierney Harper]

“I want you…” Tierney held her breath instinctively as he paused. She wanted so badly to hear him say that, to leave it at that. Unfortunately he continued a moment later and Tierney let the breath out in a silent sigh. “…to come back single and happy.” She knew he didn't want her, but a part of her just couldn't help but keep hoping. They kept 'slipping'. They kept sending confusing signals to one another. Were they friends? More than that? Tierney didn't know anymore - her brain just couldn't function properly around Landon at all to figure it out. Then he'd take pauses at the most inconvenient times and really screw her up for a moment, really mess with her heart. It hurt a lot right then as it pounded against her ribcage all for naught.

"I'll do my best," she promised, almost halfheartedly.

Tierney didn't know if she could take being single around Landon. Right now Lucian and Victoria were the only things keeping her from jumping him, from hugging him, from loving him. With Lucian out of the picture that only left Victoria and Tierney hated the girl with such a passion she doubted her presence in the equation would do much to keep Tierney behaving.

On top of not being able to handle being single she most certainly couldn't handle being happy around Landon. He would still be taken and she wouldn't. She still wouldn't be able to have the boy she wanted. Tierney might have been able to handle it if she knew Landon was truly happy, but somehow Tierney never got the feeling he was. Maybe it was wishful thinking on her part because she hated Victoria and didn't want them together. Maybe it was the truth. Until she knew there wasn't much she could do, but Landon didn't seem happy and he didn't seem like himself. Then again what did Tierney know about who Landon was?

She listened intently as Landon answered her question about how things used to be. She grit her teeth and glared at the ceiling as she took in his words. He would do anything for her. Merlin, that thought sickened her. It wasn't the worst part though. No, things got bad and Victoria left. So they had in fact dated and then things ended on a sour note. The future wasn't looking good for Victoria in Tierney's honest opinion. "How did things get bad, what do you mean?" They were so young when it all happened... it was just wrong for things to be so bad so young. Tierney closed her eyes and waited for the next answer, hoping the conversation wasn't going where she thought it was. If Landon had really gotten back with the girl who had made him into a player... she'd be so pissed at him, at Victoria, and at herself.

[Landon Rederick]

“How did things get bad, what do you mean?”

That was a loaded question that Landon wasn’t sure how to answer. From the outside looking in, anything he said would make him seem absolutely pathetic. How could someone have feelings so strong so young? How could he be so naïve? But regardless of what others may have thought, Landon had been confident in his feelings at the time. He was just blinded by them and couldn’t tell how deep he was. He underestimated the damage that was being done. Victoria had been a lot more manipulative than he gave her credit for and by the time he’d realized, he was in over his head and she was already breaking his heart.

“She hurt me,” he answered plainly. There just wasn’t a simpler way to put it. “Back then she was very mean to me. She said hurtful things and I would catch her lying to me. But I put up with it because I loved her and I believed she loved me. I still believe she does. I just think she has a head time showing it.” He sighed. He felt like he was being honest, but he couldn’t fight this nagging feeling that he was lying to himself. “Victoria doesn’t like being vulnerable. She has to be in control, so I let her control me.” Landon rubbed his face and sat up so he could look at her. “I know that you probably think that this is all a load of shit. It’s hard to get people to understand. How could a 13 year old kid know anything about love, you know? But whether it was love, lust, obsession, infatuation, or whatever, she had me completely wrapped around her finger.”

Landon picked at his pajama bottoms in silence. All those horrid memories of torture and pain were flooding back and he’d only be able to keep them at bay for so long. “She cheated on me,” he blurted out softly. “Yeah, she cheated on me a bunch. I heard from other people. I caught her at it a few times. I wasn’t enough for her.” Retelling the story out loud made him realize how much of a pansy idiot he had been back then. There was no reason that he should have stayed with her then. There was barely any reason he should be with her now. She ruined him once. He wasn’t about to let her do it again.

[Tierney Harper]

Tierney took slow, deep breaths and tried to take in everything Landon was saying, but her brain was having a lot of trouble processing it. So Victoria was the girl Landon had once told her about? It was worse than she expected too. Victoria had twisted Landon up in a web and made him... pathetic. In many ways he still was. He was with her again now after all.

By the time Landon had finished speaking Tierney had had enough. She sat up and slipped out from under Landon's head, standing and pacing. She wanted to scream at him and call him all sorts of names that meant he was an imbecile, but a more logical part of her told her she needed to take things slow. If she was going to yell she needed to do it in a way she got her point across. Not just senseless yelling.

She rounded on her heel and slapped him hard across the face. Not exactly what she had planned on doing, but her hand sort of acted on its own. Still, she felt better after she'd done it. She sighed heavily and started blurting out her little rant before her brain caught up to her mouth. "You are a complete imbecile! You're pathetic! I thought you were a Rederick, but you let this trashy girl boss you around like every other Tom, Dick, or Harry!"

"What's worse is that you let her do this once, then you turned into this big badass playboy who didn't take shit from anyone and used other people, only to run right back into Victoria's arms and let her make a fool of you again." Tierney walked to her window, looking out briefly, and then spun around and walked back with a huff. "Who are you Landon?"

"I just don't know who you are anymore. Are you a pathetic excuse for a guy who lets some bitch run his life while claiming to be macho or are you an asshole player who uses girls and discards them like nothing? Are you a guy who has a heart and actually cares for people other than yourself or a guy who only pretends to care to get what he wants?" Tears of frustration were gathering in her eyes at a rapid pace, "I don't care if you have flaws. I don't care if you're a goddamn troll! I just want to know who you really are. Can you even tell me, Landon?"

"I know that the reason you're with Victoria is... partially my fault. I told you to be with her because it seemed like you liked her and she seemed to like you and it just... seemed like a good match until I actually met her. I just wanted you to date one girl and repair your playboy reputation into something with a future – a decent future. I didn't mean to put you back in a relationship with a girl who treated you like shit, broke your heart, and has you completely whipped." She rolled her eyes and gave a heavy sigh before collapsing on the end of her bed.

“To top it all off the girl doesn’t even love you. You think she does? I mean honestly? The girl flirts with guys in front of your face – in front of your family! She’s cheated on you multiple times. She treats you like a dog – you come when she calls. Everything is around her schedule. You do everything she wants. What does she do for you? Does she care about anything to do with you? Does she ask how your day was? Does she ask how things are with your family? Does she care about your family at all? I admit I don’t like the majority of your family, but at least I behave around them. At least I have the decency to chat with them at functions they throw instead of using it as an opportunity to find guys to cheat on my boyfriend with right in front of his face.” Her hands were flying wildly as she tried her best to express how foolish Landon was.

“I know I was supposed to be supportive, but that was before I knew all this about her. I can’t stand by and let you date her now. I thought she treated you badly before, but it’s worse than I thought. If you stay with her you’re an idiot.” She leaned her elbows on her knees and buried her face in her hands, “I mean… are you sure you really love her, Landon? What reasons do you have? If you have valid reasons then I want to hear them to try to understand because right now I really don’t and I just hate Victoria with every fiber of my being.”

Of course, that was because of a bit more than how horrible she was. It also had a lot to do with the fact that she had Landon so tightly trapped in her web that Tierney felt she could never pry him loose and knowing what she did now she desperately wanted to snatch him away – has awful as that made her seem.

[Landon Rederick]

So I'm really frustrated because I had the PERFECT post, but as you know, I still haven't learned to click save as I'm writing. I lost all but the first chapter. Now I have this crap that isn't nearly as good. Blaaah. fml.

If Landon had known what was about to ensue, he would’ve just kept his mouth shut. He’d been looking for some sympathy or for some advice from Tierney, but he supposed he should’ve known better than that. All hell was about to break loose and he had no time to prepare. A rush of sadness and anger flooded over him as Tierney’s hand came across his face. He held his stinging cheek in disbelief as he watched her rage about her room.

“What the hell was that for?” He yelled back at her. “What the fuck do you want from me? Nothing I do is ever good enough for you. You always seem to find something else wrong with me.” He growled in frustration. “You think I don’t know the fucked up situation I’m in?! You think I want to be in a verbally abusive relationship?! Do you think I enjoy feeling worthless? I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want any of this. You make it sound so easy. You know, how dare you judge me. You don’t understand anything about what I’ve been through.

“I would’ve done anything to keep her happy, even if that meant getting walked all over. I was young then. I didn’t know better. I wanted to believe that she loved me as much as I loved her. Things were supposed to be better this time around. She was supposed to have changed. Isn’t that what you do for people you love? You give them second chances. Merlin, I didn’t even want to try again. I’m doing this because you told me to. You said it would be good for me yet here you are yelling at me just like she does.” She was never going to understand that the only reason he was with Victoria again was because she suggested it. Landon hated disappointing Tierney and would’ve done anything to maintain their friendship. If she believed that he needed to be in a committed relationship with Victoria then that’s what he was going to do.

“I don’t feel like she makes everything better when she’s around. I don’t long for her when she’s not. I don’t know if that’s what love is, but what I have with her isn’t it. Not that I would expect you to know anything about love. Lucian surely isn’t giving it to you. He doesn’t hold you or make you feel worth something. He doesn’t kiss you and make your toes curl. I…” He rubbed his hands over his face in frustration. “I know I don’t do that for her. And she’s not doing it for me anymore. I don’t feel happy. Not with her. And that’s what I want to figure out this summer. I need to get out of this mess.”

Landon was now standing across from her with his arms crossed. He was breathing heavily, trying to gather his next thoughts. This wasn’t the way things were supposed to go. Tierney was supposed to tell him that it was all going to be okay and she was going to come back from Romania single and he would try to finally tell her how he felt about her. “I don’t really know who I am, Tierney. I feel like I’ve changed so much over the last few years that I’ve lost sight of myself.” He was starting to feel more and more like himself when he was around Tierney, but now she was just confusing the shit out of him. He didn’t know what she wanted anymore. He didn’t know what he wanted.

[Tierney Harper]

Tierney felt bad, really bad. She knew she was overreacting a bit and that she didn't need to be so harsh on Landon, but all this new hard fact information... it was throwing her emotions all out of whack. As if Landon didn't do a good enough job of that all on his own. He just kept yelling and every single thing he said just made it worse.

The dark haired girl jumped back up off her bed and stood right in front of him. Despite the fact that she was quite a bit shorter she stood tall and with her best intimidation tactics in place. She poked him in the chest hard as she said, "Fuck you! You're damn right I always find something wrong with you. You're right, nothing you do is ever good enough for me! You're right that I don't understand a damn fucking thing going on in your fucked up head!"

Tierney couldn't remember the last time she was so angry. "You know why nothing you do is ever good enough for me? Because nothing you ever do is for yourself." Well, she hadn't really thought that was the reason, but that's what came out when she opened her mouth. It was amazing how the truth had a way of sneaking out even when the person speaking didn't know it was the truth. Before she knew it more was spewing forth, "You do whatever Victoria wants, you try to stop being a player for your sister, you get good grades to appease your parents, you date Victoria because I ask you to. What do you do for you? You're a miserable boy who doesn't want this anymore but won't do a thing about it because of other people!"

"And Landon, babe, love is not about sacrificing yourself - that's slavery. It's devotion to a degree, but devotion can be a separate entity from love." His comment about how she was yelling at him just like Victoria struck a real nerve. It hurt, it hurt like hell. She felt the tears stinging her eyes right before they started a slow trek down her cheeks; however, her temper flared more and won out over the pain and sadness. She lashed out and shoved him roughly and growled in frustration. "I am not her! Don't you dare compare me to that bitch!"

Tierney was not one for swearing normally. A few swears here or there, but right now it felt like every other sentence included some form of profanity. "I am not that stupid bitch! I'm not yelling at you to try and control your life but to try and get some sense into that thick skull. I'm yelling at you because I... care about you!" She almost said love. She hesitated and wanted to say it, but her tongue caught itself and corrected before the words slipped out. "I'm yelling because I'm angry that you let yourself be so miserable, let yourself be toyed with and belittled. I'm yelling because it hurts me and angers me that you let yourself be treated unfairly. Nothing she does is for you. Nothing she does benefits you in any way. She is a selfish tramp and you make excuses for her!"

"Not that I would expect you to know anything about love."

Tierney stepped back from him, pain written in bold letters in her eyes, on her face. Just because Lucian didn't love her didn't mean she didn't know about love. He was so wrong about that. "You're a fucking asshole." She dried the tears from her cheeks and snarled at him, "I know a good deal more about love than you ever will, Landon Rederick. I know about it in regards to romantic, familial, and amicable love. You say I don't know anything about love, but why the hell do you think I agreed to marry a damn demon - for kicks and giggles?! I did it because I love my people and wanted to protect them. I did it because I love my parents and I wanted to save them from harm - physical, mental, emotional." She was calling off the wedding because she loved Landon and hated seeing him worrying about her, hurting over her predicament, plus... while she didn't really want to marry Landon, she didn't want to marry anyone else either.

"And you're right. Lucian doesn't hold me, make me feel worth something, make my toes curl, make me happy in the least. That's why I wanted to break things off, that's why I am." Because Landon was the one who did all those things for her and he did them pretty well and Tierney wondered if she'd ever find anyone who could do it better. "I know I took a while to decide whether or not I should drop this thing with Lucian, but I had other reasons - other people - to think about. You don't so you shouldn't have to take a summer to figure things out. You said it yourself Landon that she doesn't make you happy and you don't make her happy. What else is there to know? You may not know anything about love, but I think even you're smart enough to know that people in love make each other happy."

“I don’t really know who I am, Tierney. I feel like I’ve changed so much over the last few years that I’ve lost sight of myself.”

Something in his words drained the spirit out of her a bit. She sighed and ran her hands through her hair. "That's what you need to figure out this summer, not the mess you're in with Victoria. I know I asked you to be with her, but if you aren't happy I don't want you to stay with her because of my request. Do what you want, do what you feel good doing. Do something for yourself."

She stepped further away, retreating to her luggage which she finished packing by pulling out her wand and magically moving everything into them. She didn't feel like doing it the muggle way anymore. "Take the summer to figure things out and let me know when you know who you are. I don't know... if I want to talk to you before then because I only want to know Landon Rederick, not these guys who masquerade as him but are really fictional creations of the people around him." Her chest was aching saying that and of course it wasn't true. Tierney wanted to talk to Landon, wanted to stay close to him, but... it was true that she wanted to know Landon Rederick, the real him. Maybe it would be best if she removed herself from his sphere of influence for a while. If she could get him to subject himself to a second round of torture from Victoria with a suggestion then she obviously had too much of a hold on the boy and too much say in what he did.

If she wanted him to figure out who he was she had to let him make decisions for himself without influencing him at all. She had to step away, leave him alone. Even if it was torture for her - which it would be.

[Landon Rederick]

Landon was fuming. Every time he thought he was taking a step in the right direction, something happened that caused him to take an even bigger step backward. He couldn’t remember the last time that he was just in a good place, on good terms with everyone. Tierney and Tristise were the only women in his life that could get him riled up like this. His mother never dared to upset him. She did everything she could to keep him the happiest boy in the world. It sounded stupid, but right now he just wanted his mommy. She wouldn’t yell. She didn’t make him feel inadequate. She would give him whatever he wanted and make him feel better, for just a moment.

Every time they got into one of these squabbles, it seemed she thought less and less of him. And she’d said it. He wasn’t good enough for her. It was heartbreaking to hear out loud even though he’d kind of thought it all along. He swallowed hard as listened to her. Everything she was saying was making sense. She was absolutely right. He hadn’t even become a player for himself. He did it because he had something to prove. If you took away everything that he’d done for someone else, what did he have? Not much, and it was sad. He’d never noticed before. Who was he really? He had no fucking clue. She was making him question everything about himself, his very existence.

Landon was generally really stubborn. He always had to have the last word. He always had to be right. But right now, he honestly had no response. She was drilling into him, filling him with perspective. All of her words were echoing in his head. “I don’t even know what I want! How am I supposed to do things for myself when I don’t even know what purpose I serve?” As self-absorbed as Landon could be sometimes, he didn’t really know the purpose of living if you had no one to live for. Living for himself was a new concept. And as Tierney was pointing out, his concept of love was so far off. He was feeling more clueless than ever.

He knew that comparing Tierney to Victoria was going to strike a chord in her. He knew it would set her off. But he didn’t think it would hurt. He watched the tears fall from her pained eyes and immediately wished that he could take it back. It didn’t even matter that she’d called his girlfriend a bitch, especially since it was true. He could deal with pissing Tierney off, but hurting her was never something he wanted to do. He stumbled back a little as she pushed him and continued on her rant. Clearly, Tierney wasn’t anything like Victoria. The only thing that they had in common was the fact that they were unbelievably stubborn, just like Landon.

His eyes followed her as she moved back over to finish packing the rest of her stuff. Until this moment, he had forgotten that she would be leaving soon and that this would probably be the last time he would see her for a while. From the moment he found out that she would be leaving it had been his intention to keep in touch with her while she was away. In fact, that was the main reason he’d come over here, that and to just spend some time with her before she left. Being away from for any extended period was going to be hard enough. Landon wasn’t really the clingy type, but that was until Tierney came along. "Take the summer to figure things out and let me know when you know who you are. I don't know... if I want to talk to you before then because I only want to know Landon Rederick, not these guys who masquerade as him but are really fictional creations of the people around him."

“But…what?” Landon was done feeling sorry for himself. He had let her say her piece and he knew that she was absolutely right. But not about this. He was angry now. “So you’re just gonna ignore me until I get my shit together? I guess that should be no surprise since that’s what you always do.” He started pacing the room. Everything between them was starting to get so complicated. The line between friends and more was starting to become more and more blurry. He already knew that he had feelings for her, what kind exactly and how deep, he wasn’t sure. He had been attempting to suppress them while with Victoria, especially since he didn’t think Tierney felt anything toward him. Before he was sure that he was nothing more than a friend to Tierney and that she wanted to keep it that way. Everything was starting to hit the fan now. He felt that he meant more to her than just a friend. It was undeniable now. How much more, he didn’t know. And he hoped to figure it out when she came back from Romania. But with the way things seemed to be going, he wasn’t sure he’d be given the chance.

“I’ve sat here and listened to you tell me what I’ve only been trying to figure out my whole life. You make it sound easier than I think it’ll be. I have no direction. I have no purpose of my own. But I want it. I want to be happy. I want to do things for me. I want to stop being a stupid boy and start being a man. If it hadn’t been for you, I’d still be on this path to nowhere, lying to myself about who I am.” Landon hated admitting that Tierney was right. He hated admitting his faults. But worst of all, he hated being vulnerable. Tierney was peeling away this false exterior that Landon hadn’t even realize was false until now. She pulling away all of the baggage that was wearing him down and exposing reality to him and it was so overwhelming. “You are helping me see things as they should be and now you just want to back out?! What if…what if I need you? Clearly I have some serious soul searching to do and you want me to do it on my own? It’s not fair for you to just keep coming in and out of my life at your convenience. I’ve always been there for you when you needed me. And you want to turn your back on me when I need you?” Perhaps that’s how soul searching was supposed to go. But if Tierney made Landon want to be the best version of himself that he could be, then he expected her to be there along the way, helping him figure out just what version of himself that was.

[Tierney Harper]

Landon was so infuriating. Tierney was sometimes amazed that she could still have feelings for the boy after he made her so angry, nearly insane. It was undeniable now more than ever though. Even as more aggravating words flew from his lips she could still feel the guilt and the regret for her behavior. She still felt horrible for hurting him which she was clearly doing with her words. She couldn't stop though.

"Then find a fucking purpose, Landon!" She spat out, kicking one of her luggage cases over. "Merlin! It's not curse breaking! What do you want to do when you're out of school? What class is your favorite and is there a profession linked to it that interests you? Start there. Planning a career future is a good step toward living your own life. Beyond that... I don't really know, I haven't gotten there yet and I hear it just comes naturally as you progress through life."

If he wanted her to feel bad when he started yelling about how she was ignoring him and not there for him when he needed her... well, it worked. Hearing those accusations ripped her heart to pieces; however, it also pissed her off. The hurt was all being channeled to rage in her current state and the boy was lucky she wasn't Tristise because if she was he wouldn't stand a chance.

"Oh, why don't you put a sock in it, Mister Rederick? I did not say I don't want to talk to you; I said I don't know if I want to. I'm still debating, but I can tell you that with your current attitude I'm definitely leaning toward not doing so! Don't give me this bullshit about how I always ignore you when you need me. Give me one damn good example of when I've done that!" She was really fuming about that point. How dare the cheeky bastard say such lies.

"I took an active part in ruining your life and then even when I said I'd leave you alone so you could regroup after Tris disowned you I didn't. I mean I didn't make your life a living hell, but I didn't leave you alone either. At the dance I tried to talk to you, to see how things were going, to give you advice on not looking like a pansy ass coward." Then proceeded to save his pathetic ass from a number of vicious attackers and got pretty badly banged up in the process. She chose to leave that part out though. She didn't save his life to hang it over his head forever, she did it because she genuinely didn't want him maimed or dead. "When you need to talk I'm there for you to talk to. When have I ever ignored you?!"

"You're the one who chooses not to come to me. You're the one who chooses not to tell me things. You're the one who rarely opens up to me. I am always here to listen to you... except when I'm not physically here, but I'm only an owl away..." She sighed and shook her head in defeat. "And I am sorry if I make it sound so easy, but it's not as impossible as you seem to think either. If you want to find a purpose you will. If you really want it. All it takes is making that first decision. Pick something in your life that's unclear and make a choice. No matter which on you pick, right or wrong, it'll lead you somewhere and you go from there, but you have to do it on your own or it's pointless."

Tierney sat on the bag she had previously kicked. So close to the floor her knees were almost raised to her shoulder height. She stretched her legs out to a more comfortable position and let her hands fall to the exposed luggage lid between her legs. As angry as she still was she was finding it exhausting to keep up the yelling and the furious gesturing. "It isn't a matter of being a boy or a man. It's a matter of knowing who you are regardless of the 'depth of your masculinity'," she made quotation marks to go with her eye roll at her words. "I said it before, I don't care if you're a troll... though that's a bit of an exaggeration. I'd really prefer if you weren't a troll - they smell bloody awful. You understand what I mean though, right? You'll be my best friend," and more than that, "regardless of if you're an immature little boy or a big ol' macho man. So long as you know who you are and you're willing to work to become the best you you can be."

"I'm not turning my back on you and don't you dare say or insinuate that I am. If you need me I will be there for you, even if I tell you I won't. Even if I tell you I don't want to talk to you. I would walk from Romania to Normandy and swim the English Channel to get back here if you needed me, Landon." 'Because I love you,' she added to herself and hoped her words conveyed as much without saying it. She hoped the words conveyed half of the feeling she wanted to put into them. The truth was that short of dying or his life being at stake if she went to him she would find a way. "I don't leave your life at my convenience. I have always been here whether you've realized it or not. The only time I wasn't was when my parents took me away first year, but since I've been back, even with all the shit we went through, I was here."

Honestly, the boy practically had her wrapped around his finger. If not why would she have let the events of the party transpire? She was wholly against cheating and she had ended things with Landon so that she wouldn't be cheating on Lucian and she wouldn't be helping Landon cheat on Victoria, thus possibly reverting to his playboy ways. Then every time that boy came around her body, her mind, and her fucking heart all wanted her to say 'fuck the rules, fuck monogamy, just jump the damn boy already!' Every bit of her wanted him, physically and emotionally. She loathed being engaged to Lucian. She detested Landon dating Victoria. She wanted to be the one kissing him, holding his hand, she wanted to be the one tangled in the sheets with him, she wanted to be the one he told about his day, she wanted to be the one he confided in about his worries, his hardships at school, at work, wherever. She wanted to be the one he came waltzing down the grand staircase with when there were social events at the Rederick Estates (and she'd make damn sure they were never late and never embarrassed themselves or their families).

Tierney wanted so badly to be everything for the boy, but she couldn't. Even if she called things off with Lucian there was a good chance Landon would stay with Victoria as her lap dog. And even if he didn't? Well, he still didn't care for her that way. She was his best friend, maybe, but she knew he'd never see her as more. There was an even greater chance of that since they'd been together. Now she was disposable to him, just another girl he could call on when he was lonely. Of course he hated feeling like she walked out of his life at her convenience - that was his job. She was such an idiot, but at the time it had felt... perfect.

"I just want you to find yourself by yourself. I don't want to risk influencing you because then you wouldn't be you, you'd be whoever you thought I wanted you to be. You'd be whoever you thought I liked. The only woman's opinion that should truly matter to you should be the opinion of the woman you love. It's my thought that in order to truly love someone you have to know who you are and know that they know who you are too. I don't believe you can truly love someone knowing they don't know the real you, that they love a facade. So the woman you love will love you and won't want you to change. Not drastically anyway. Maybe, you know, she'll want you to stop being a slob and pick up after yourself or something, but nothing personality altering or anything. She'd never ask you to change your career short of if said career made her worry for your life. She'd never expect you to answer her every call, grant her every wish, though I believe if you're truly in love you never ask of one another something the other wouldn't do willingly." Tierney shrugged, "Maybe I'm too idealistic. Maybe I'm wrong entirely. These are just my current thoughts, but I've yet to see evidence as to why I should change this way of thinking."